It’s okay to say ‘no’ to others when it means saying ‘yes’ to yourself.
It can be really hard to say ‘no’ to somebody, especially to someone that you admire and respect. It’s almost as if you’re going to be portrayed as a mean and arrogant person if you deny someone's request. However, it’s important to understand that your character is not affected by your willingness to stand your ground.
Sometimes in life, we feel a sense of pressure to do things when we don’t even want to do them. Due to our visceral nature to please others and their needs, we often say ‘yes’ to others. Although you are helping another person, have you ever thought to yourself if you’re helping yourself? When you agree to do something for someone, you are fulfilling the expectations of another person. Unfortunately, during that process, we tend to forget ourselves. Essentially, this can place you in a conundrum where you feel overwhelmed by trying to solve other people’s burdens before your own.
There is a time and place to say 'yes'.
There is a time and place to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to someone. Understanding how to balance this may take years to master. Gaining the confidence to value your self worth isn’t an easy task, but it’s definitely a necessary one. At the end of the day, the most important person you need to say ‘yes’ to is yourself. And sometimes, that means saying ‘no’ to others. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s wise.
Using the correct verbiage.
People are always going to come into your life and request things. Although you may be able to help them, sometimes you shouldn’t. Setting boundaries with people is super important because it won’t allow others to capitalize off your niceness. If you don’t establish boundaries, then you’re opening the floodgates to being taken advantage of.
Using the correct verbiage to say ‘no’ to someone can be quite difficult. However, there are ways you can say ‘no’ in a clear, genuine and polite manner. The video below is an excellent example of how you can accomplish this.
Source: OWN / Youtube
"I'm sorry. No, I am not able to do that."
- Shonda Rhimes
In that powerful video, Shonda Rhimes and Oprah have an interesting dialogue about how we don’t need to defend our niceness to people. Ultimately, saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s actually quite liberating to not do things that you don’t want to do. This is because you’re confident enough to put your priorities and wellness first.
If the people in your life don’t respect the fact that you put yourself first, then that’s a clear indication that they don’t need to be in your life. To be totally candid, you may lose friends and family by saying ‘no’, and you probably will. However, it’s actually a great strategy to help filter through who’s truly authentic and who’s truly trying to use you for their own benefit. If you lose people in your life because you don’t want to do something for them, then they don’t deserve your energy. Just let them exit gracefully, and understand that life will always move on.
It’s okay to say ‘no’ if that means saying ‘yes’ to yourself.