6 ways to become a better listener.
We always stress the importance of communication in our personal relationships. However, society tends to neglect a necessary element for mastering communication- Learning how to listen.
Communication isn’t a one way street. You can’t have an engaging conversation without listening to the speaker with genuine intent. However, many people struggle with this because they’re either distracted by their cellular device, resist uncomfortable conversations, or just simply respond without understanding. If you’re struggling with these bad habits, then it’s time to improve your listening skills. Check out the six tips below to help you break your bad listening habits.
Stop responding to reply and start responding to understand.
If you’re struggling with listening to other people, it may be because of your ego. You may not be necessarily comprehending the content of a dialogue, but rather you are eager to just respond. Try your best to compartmentalize your ego when you’re conversing. Be patient with the other person and their thoughts. Although your visceral reaction may be to quickly respond, cut them some slack. Give them a chance to explain their mentality. Listen to them with genuine intent. Give yourself some time to internalize their thoughts. You might be surprised at how differently you view a concept, and thus, you will produce thought-provoking questions. Once you’ve processed everything that’s being said, you can now respond to understand.
Be inquisitive.
If you want to improve your listening skills, just ask questions. If you don’t understand something or you find a comment to be bizarre, inquire about it. Don’t be afraid to challenge ideas in a respectful way. Never be afraid to explore your intellectual curiosity. That's when you truly learn and grow. Hence, as a byproduct, you will end up becoming a more inquisitive individual.
Be open to being uncomfortable.
All conversations aren’t always easy. Divisive topics tend to make people riled up. Uncomfortable discourse can inhibit one’s ability to become a good listener. This is because one’s visceral reaction is to avoid the conversation or say something they will regret. If you react this way to difficult dialogues, then you should try to embrace rough conversations. By being patient, you will allow yourself to be open to other people’s opinions. Polarizing opinions will always occur, but the way you react to them is very important. By not dismissing someone’s views, you will actually be open to learn and have a more broader understanding of the issue. You can’t achieve this if you don’t expand your comfort zone and have those difficult conversations.
Put your phone away.
People have become extremely codependent with their phones. We almost feel naked without holding it or having it close to us. Browsing through social media or responding to your friend’s text message during an important conversation or event will hinder your listening skills. You will develop bad habits. You won’t be fully attentive to whatever you are supposed to be paying attention to. Thus, try to practice some self constraint and put that phone down. You will retain information much better.
Try to repeat what you heard.
If you can’t repeat what you heard, then that means you weren’t effectively listening. Remember, there’s a difference between what you heard and your perception of what someone else said. We aren’t asking for your perception, we are asking for the thoughts of the opposing individual. If you are constantly struggling with remembering what someone else said, then you aren’t listening close enough. If you want to test yourself on your listening abilities, try to repeat what the speaker said. This is a simple, yet powerful tool to help you improve your listening skills.
Maintain eye contact.
Another simple, yet powerful tool to help you improve your listening skills is to maintain eye contact with the other person. Believe it or not, focusing your eyes on the speaker will help you avoid any distractions. All of your attention will be on them and their words. Essentially, you can carry a conversation for an extended period of time if you maintain eye contact. Ultimately, your listening skills will become more robust if you physically face the speaker.
"One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say."
– Bryant H. McGill